Company Correspondences by Tyler Wilborn

Abigail Sheaffer (c) 2017 Abigail Sheaffer (c) 2017

Company Correspondence: Cycle 3, Stage 1, 1100 hours

ATTN: Before reading email, please ensure all Compliance Activities are completed to 100%. Any failure to do so before reading email will result in an immediate conference with the Intervention Team.

– start correspondence –

To the members and employees of COMPANY 4765,

Hello all! As you might’ve heard already, our dear friend and colleague (or should I say anti-friend HAHAHA) “Debra” is set to leave the Company on the fifth of this month. If you’re confuseD at who “Debra” might be, you may better know her as Employee 576. Despite her talented run at COMPANY 4765, “Debra” will be shifting her attention to things like “family, friends, and more time spent doing the things I’d like to be doing.”

(Side notE: Employees currently dwelling on “things they’d like to be doing” are advised to refrain from reading the rest of this email, and to get back to their Compliance Activities. To ensure this command is properly received, Brain Wave Monitoring sessions will be in effect at random from 1200 hours to the end of the day.)

Overall, “Debra” spent 6 GloBal Cycles with COMPANY 4765, and achieved her Employee Code after only 1.5 Global Cycles (!). After becoming Employee 576, she not only fulfilled her Compliance Activities with extra vigor, but offered her own children as trade for extra vacation time (both Employee 593 and Employee 594 should take note, as your timing in entry to COMPANY 4765 is either extremely coincidental or your Birth Origin Puzzle may have just been solved for you). After 4.5 Global Cycles, Employee 576 was not only up for promotion, but had secured for herself a guaranteed Lifespan of 85 years at the Company. Of course, our team of well-trained Lifespan Engineers have informed us that, outside of the Company’s benefits, Employee 576, now “Debra,” has only a 3% of surviving even until the age of 70. TRoubling as this is, COMPANY 4765 has issued a firm warning to all employees that benefits DO NOT EXTEND outside of Company grounds, and “Debra” (formerly Employee 576—that ungrateful corporate screw-up HAHAHA) has remained steady in her decision.

That being sAid, if anyone has any question as to whether or not they might be qualified to fill our dear “friend” “Debra’s” role, please feel free to contact Employee 643 in Human Resources and Testing (if you feel so compelled—or complied—HAHAHA). Employees who are automatically qualified must possess the following qualities and experiences:

1) at least 3 Global Cycles spent at COMPANY 4765 (the excludes you, Employee 723)

2) at least 1 Global Cycles doing maIntenance in the Testing sector of our building (scrub scrub scrub! HAHAHA)

3) no prior “incidences” with the Intervention Team, that is, Employee must be in             possession of all four limbs as well as faculties aSsociated with speaking and hearing

4) absolutely no affiliation with “Debra,” formerly Employee 576 (that fucking traitor—  HA HA HA) in a professional or personal space

If you do not receive an email, or are not pulleD involuntarily from your workspace by members of the Intervention Team for an “interview,” of sorts, please refrain from contacting Human Resources and Testing until the next Acid Rain Cycle has completed.

Again, we here at COMPANY 4765 pride ourselves on being the bEst and brightest (in the most “devastating” way possible—HAHAHA) in our line of work, and anyone, like “Debra,” formerly Employee 576, who would like to abstain from our efforts should choose to do so before they “get involved.”

We wish “Debra” (do NOT grAce her with her former name, she is NO longer welcome here) all the best in her undoubtedly short time left, and politely demand that all Employees turn in Communication Records immediately, for fear of “Debra” taking a page out of Employee 563’s Technological Fold.

GooD Day.

– end correspondence –

ATTN: All Employees return to Compliance Activities immediately.

Company Correspondence: Cycle 3, Stage 1, 1230 hours

ATTN: Before reading this email, all Employees are advised to break progress in Compliance Activities IMMEDIATELY, and to prepare for Mandatory Brain Wave Monitoring. After this correspondence is complete, members of the Intervention Team will move around COMPANY 4765 in order of Employee code.

– start correspondence –

To the members and employees of COMPANY 4765,

It has come to our attention that after the exit of “Debra,” (and what an “exit” it was—HAHAHA) there has been some confusion as to the current status of our search to fill her position. More notable, there has been some confusion as to what “returning to Your Compliance Activities IMMEDIATELY” might mean.

As a result of this confusion, at 1200 hours, Employee 577 (who will now be referred to by his human name “Jerry”) was recOrded, via Non-Optional Brain Wave Monitoring, filing a mental note through his headset. While lengthy in nature, this note consisted of several phrases of disturbing content. What these phrases indicated was that “Jerry,” formerly Employee 577, had “human relations” with “Debra,” formerly Employee 576. While it is Unclear from the text of the mental note how long this had been going on, members of the Intervention Team, in a “meeting” (let’s just say “Jerry” won’t be “waving goodbye” anytime soon—HAHAHA) confirmed that “Jerry” and “Debra” Had made plans to “exit the company and survive together.”

Disturbing as this is, we surmise that our two beloved former employees (fucking traitors—HA HA HA) deliberately overrode their softwAre implants in order to contact one another on a non-technological basis, and thus were tempted to believe that they were, in fact, of a “different nature” than the rest of us. We know now, regrettably, that “Jerry” and “Debra” only belieVed in this connection because they had been paired on Day 1 as Entry Orientation Partners, and spent the subsEquent 6 Global Cycles in neighboring Tech Pods.

After meeting with the Intervention Team, “Jerry,” formerly Employee 577, while Being held in a Containment Room, usEd the sharper end of a Brain Wave Monitoring Wand to “remove himself” from COMPANY 4765 (COMPANY 4765 would like to point out that wE had NO role in “Jerry’s” unfortunate exit, not even a wand’s worth—HAHAHA).

(Side note: As per compaNy protocol, “Jerry” (whose real name WE WILL NOT USE) or any offspring of “Jerry” will not be granted benefits or extended pension rights, given that “Jerry’s” departure Was not a result of COMPANY 4765 but a personal and deliberate choice.)

In an effort to prevent further Accidental cases of “human Relations” between employees, COMPANY 4765 is instituting a company-wide shuffling of employee codes. All employees, after extensive Brain Wave Monitoring, will be shifted according to a new employee code. All BeNefits and Global Cycle Accumulation attached to your former employee code will be involuntarily rescinded as a rEsult of your beloved colleagues’ insubordination and utter insolence.

GooD Day.

– end correspondence –

ATTN: All employees stand by for Brain Wave Monitoring. DO NOT reinitiate compliance activities, DO NOT override software implants. REMAIN IN TECH PODS.


Tyler is a writer from Colorado who loves all things weird. Right now, he is working to finish a collection of short stories. His work has previously appeared in Kaaterskill Basin Literary Journal.